Mommy Are These A Dollar Also?

And they were!

It was just another day of reckoning I suppose, but even at a dollar, mom could still only afford three boxes of macaroni and cheese.! The child was delighted that they had three more days of good eating, but for momma it was more than a heartache.

I sat with Mary and her child Eve (not real names) so Mary could share her story of hardship and emotional let down she'd experienced since the little girl was born nearly seven years ago. For their story I bought lunch at the Village Mall food court. For me it was a hot dog for Eve and a french fries with dressing and gravy at the Hot Shoppe for Mary. For Mary and little girl, it was fine dining, it cost me $5.85.

Mary 25, exclaimed "it's all my fault, and I feel I will pay for my mistake for the rest of my life." "I never meant for it to be like this for my child", it's supposed to be different, but it isn't".
I found Mary apologizing quite often, and I am not sure she understood she did not have to.

Mary was in her final year at high school, no real plans then, but several dreams, "diminished goals", she said as she sipped her medium double, double. "It was Saturday, November 2, 2002 when Eve was born, and here it is just a few weeks away from her birthday, and I have to wait to get a welfare cheque to buy her a present".

As you can see, pointing to her cart, Mary says "even these few groceries at Dollar-Rama gets me nothing but beef stew, fake Kraft dinner, Ravioli, Tuna and some no name cereal", and "our cookies trows in Eve". In tears, Mary said, "I get $234.00 every 16 days, plus the Eve's child benefit, $231.00". $699.00 a month, with that I must pay for Eves school lunch's, "very often peanut butter sandwiches or lunch mates on sale she says", her cloths from the Thrift Store, and the rest of my household needs, like groceries, heat and light, and a basic service telephone.

I had ask Mary to bring along her account of how she spent her money last month, she had previously said in a pre-interview, "I keep everything you know? people just won't believe
you if you don't have proof".

Here are Mary's shocking numbers:

NL Power: $129.27
Aliant: $ 32.00
Basic Cable $ 46.00
Cloths for Eve: $ 37.00
Cloths for me: $ 41.00
Milk just for Eve: $ 62.24 (16 Cartons a month)
School Lunch's $ 65.00 (12 Lunch Mates, juice, cheese & cracker snack for recess and PB Sandwiches)
Dollar-Rama Cleaners: $13.00
Dollar-Rama Personal: $23.00
Laundry Supply: $16.00
Bus pass for Eve & I: $35.00
Sobey's $119.34
Dollar Rama Food $ 47.00
Wal-Mart Toys $ 12.47
Unaccounted For: $ 20.68

Folks, I knew not to cry or apologize on behalf of the province! Not so much for how little income one receives if needing to depend on the state, but to see many of these folk, feeling they need to account for it. Mary was noticeably upset when she could not account for the $20.68, "I know I did not waste it, that's for sure, Mary remarked".

I asked Mary how it felt living under these conditions, for her it was minimal income, unfit housing and a child that needed, deserved much more than she could give. "I can't afford to take Eve to the movies, or to the fair while it's in town, I can't afford good cloths, toys or books and it's all about handouts and hand me downs". Mary admits, "I have thought about putting Eve up for adoption, so that she'd have a better life with someone who could afford more for her, but what about love? no one could love Eve more than I. I can't do it though, my real mother did me that way, I wish she could see, she created another her. I am not OK with that.

Mary finally answered my question, "it's like serving a life sentence for a crime you never committed. Each time the phone rings, I fear it's a social worker telling me I am being cut, or a bill collector wanting payment before I can make it. I think about emergencies, my adoptive mother, who raised me from childhood lost her Mom to cancer, I could not afford to travel to my Nana's funeral even. I am 25, Eve is nearly seven, it will be to late for me to start building a life after she's grown. It's mess of a life". Can I tell you more real soon?

I left Mary that day feeling a sense of shame, shame that I helped create her world, and the same for others by supporting a system based on resource development and human suffering. I am sorry Mary, for not creating the awareness sooner. I'll see you next week.